i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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