If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
