I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen