It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship