I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.