I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't turn off my feet"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life