Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.