there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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