I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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