I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
