I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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