i can't believe i had my finger in that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
