I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
