I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This baby is an asshole
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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