is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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