i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pooping to opera.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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