A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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