I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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