I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
