Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
