Where did you get a picture of my penis
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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