i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
