How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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