I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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