Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
