addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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