I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
