So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
porn star boner night. come get it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
