just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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