She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
