I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
