the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
