I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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