Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
