my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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