it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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