yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
