I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize