I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
