i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
