Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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