I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
