so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.