Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off