mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.