It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.