So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
