you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
