in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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