If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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