I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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