I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
