If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
