I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize