evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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