You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this hospital has no fireball
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
