you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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