She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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