I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
