i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
