everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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