Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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