So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize