i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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