hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
